You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna take off the rough and bumpy skin off the back of my arms… with a belt-sander?
Well – my ol’ lady got a new favorite TV show she’s all hot and bothered about. She wanted me to mention it to y’all… so maybe it would get a big audience and be successful and get renewed. I tried to watch it with her the other night. Have you all seen this… the Dr. Pimple Popper Show?
It’s on the TLC. Now in the old days… the TLC stood for The Learning Channel. I believe today it stands of ‘tacky, lurid and creepy’. Yeah – what could I tell you about the Dr. Pimple Popper Show? Other than – don’t be eating nothing when it comes on. I’ll tell you that right now.
You might remember – about ten years my ol’ lady was hooked on this TLC show called – ‘The man with the 130-pound scrotum’. This is like the sequel – only tougher to watch. Fact is – if Dr. Pimple Popper had been around ten years ago when the guy with the giant scrotum had a show – they might have had an episode we’d still be talking about today!!
Anyways – this show is about a woman doctor who changes people’s lives… by popping pimples… draining giant cysts… and pinching off black-heads the size of dinner plates.
I mean – when I was watching… a woman come in there looking like Quasimodo. But that wasn’t a hunch-back… that was a sebaceous cyst – made it look like this poor woman had an unborn twin stuck to her shoulder. Well – Dr. Pimple Popper to the rescue, right? She done a couple Zorro moves with a scalpel – gave it a little professional squeeze – and this thing come leaping out of that woman’s neck… like that creature done in the movie Aliens. Oooohhhh…
My goodness – I seen that… and I knew I wasn’t gonna sleep THAT night!!!
Wake up, America! Hey – don’t get me wrong. I’m a big fan of poppers. Jalapeno poppers… party poppers… even Jiffy popcorn poppers. But Dr. Pimple Poppers… I’m gonna have to pass. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Subscribe to my Radio Bits… Pitts Off.