Do you have a lawn… or do you have a yard?

By on May 22, 2014

You know what makes me sick?  You know what makes me so mad I just wanna wrench the tops off long-necks… using my nose holes?

There’s a lot of questions out there this month… like – what’s better horse racing or car racing?   Or… is my kid gonna graduate… or is he gonna do something at the last minute an’ screw it up… like he always does?

Well – here’s another one.  This is because we’re all getting outside an’ working on our property these days.  So you might run into this question – do I have a lawn… or do I have a yard?

There are a few easy indicators.  Like – lawns end at sidewalks.  Yards end at ditches.

If you got a lawn… you might hire a company to come and fertilize it twice a year.  If you got a yard… you might let the dog out to fertilize it twice a day.

If you’ve ever been approached by Home & Garden Magazine to take pictures of your place… you got a lawn.  If you’ve ever been approached by DR Horton… you got a yard.

If some idiot comes screaming by your place… and hit one of your chickens – you got a yard.

If the kids have been gone ten years… and you can still tell where the bases were – you got a yard.

If you’ve ever woke up on a Sunday morning and found either a mattress or a couch on your property – you got a yard.

If your sidewalk leads to a waterscape with a goldfish pond and a cast iron bench – you got a lawn.   If it leads to where your pit bull is staked out – you got a yard.

Wake up, America!   And one more – If you water it – you got a lawn.  If you let God water it – you got a yard.   I’m Earl Pitts, America.   Pitts Off.

Lawn or Yard

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