Yoga… to cure a Donald Trump Presidency

By on August 31, 2018
trump derangement syndrome

You know what makes me sick?  You know what makes me so mad I just wanna push fat people over… and watch them trying to get back up?

I come home last night from the Duck Inn… and I seen the most curious thing I have seen in many a moon. My old lady was in the living room… with her butt sticking straight up in the air.

See, she was on this mat thing… and she had her arms stretched out… she was on her tippy-toes – and her hind-end was hiked up in the air – in what I would call ‘a semi-suggestive pose.’  It reminded me of a prairie dog looking around for coyotes.  And I go, ‘What in the Sam Hill are you doing?!?’

And she says – it is yoga.  She said this is what leading, professional therapists are suggesting we do to get through this Presidency. On account of people are suffering physically from Trump Derangement Syndrome. People are complaining about anxiety… stress… heart patter-pitations.   She said Donald Trump is actually affecting America’s health.

So let me see if this makes sense.   Donald Trump is driving people so crazy… it is so ugly… making us so nuts.   The only way we can handle it… is by sticking our asses in the air?

I like it.

So I get down there on the floor with her… and hiked my keester up toward the ceiling fan.  And I set there… a good 20-seconds and don’t say a word.  And the muscles in my shoulders and my back started to relax.  It was like my muscles was all gripped up… and started to ease off.   I could feel it – slowly stretching out.  Something cracked inside my shoulder… and my arm kind of felt a tingle.  I suddenly felt a range of motion I hadn’t felt in years.  And my breathing got deeper.  And some of my breaths actually started sounding like sighs – of relief.

And then I got the Charlie horse.  Dang it, man!!  Holy crap… it was like I got shot in the leg.  I was down for the count.  I’m still limping today!!

Wake up, America!!!   I don’t know who Charlie was… I don’t know what happened to his horse.  But my bet is – he had to put him down.  Do not try this at home.  I’m Earl Pitts, American.  Get my bumper stickers by clicking here.  And Pitts Off.

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