You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna beat a penguin senseless?
Remember a couple weeks ago – I was working on my reverse bucket list. That’s a list of things I DON’T want to do before I die. Like – if I die having never played Uno again… I will die a happy man.
And now I got me another list of stuff I don’t want to do. This is all that stuff professional drivers on closed courses do on TV commercials… or trained professional stunt-people do… that they keep warning us not to try at home.
Like I remember one time… I seen that Nic Wallenda guy… and he walked across the Grand Canyon on a tight rope. But they told everybody that this guy was a trained professional… and we should not attempt that at home.
Thank you for the heads up, Discovery Channel… but I wasn’t gonna try that anyway. I have been known to fall over – walking on the floor. Besides – you got to have some kind of monkey toes to grab on that wire. I have not been blessed.
Have you seen that commercial where there’s a couple in a tent… and the camera pulls back a little bit… and you can see that the tent is hanging from the side of a 3,000 foot tall cliff. Yeah – they’re camping in mid-air. I am not going to do that neither. I ain’t that scared of heights… but I have been known to sleep-walk.
Have you seen that commercial where this woman is climbing up some rocks. And then she hoists herself up and she’s standing on a tiny little ledge about the size of a bathroom scale 5,000 feet in the air? Yeah – I’m gonna pass on that, too. Hell – I get a little dizzy just watching the commercials.
Basically – they show us people doing all sorts of stupid things… and then tell us not to be stupid, too. And how? – by celebrating the stupid people.
Wake Up, America!!! If it looks like I could die doing something… there’s a good chance you don’t have to warn me not to do it. Worry about the idiots, the drunks and the dare-devils. Don’t worry about me – I have grown cautious in my later years. I’m Earl Pitts, American – check out my YouTube channel – Earl Pitts by Earl Pitts. And Pitts Off.