Dub Meeker’s Got a Car Key stuck in his Ear, Again

You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna filter my morning coffee through kitty litter?

Yeah – we had us a time at the Duck Inn last night. I got there late. The boys was already there. But it wasn’t the usual cuttin’ up and high-jinx going on. Junior Meeker comes running up to me before I got half-ways in, and he’s going, ‘Earl – we got a problem.’

He says his brother, my big, dumb buddy Dub Meeker – has got a car key stuck in his ear. And just so y’all understand what’s going on here… I will add the word ‘again’.

Yep – there he is was, setting at the bar – with a car key in his ear. And I go, ‘Okay – let me take over boys. The first thing we got to do is get all those other keys off his key chain, so his head don’t tilt so much.’ Yeah – at the moment – he looked like a gypsy fortune-teller.

I says, ‘Dub?’ And he goes, ’I had a tickle in my ear, Earl. I was trying to get the wax out.’ And I go – ‘That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard…’ And he goes, ‘Right – from the guy who had a Discover card stuck between his teeth last year.’

I says, ‘Hold tight…’ And he goes…’ Oh, and remember when you sneezed real hard at the bowling alley – and drove that tooth-pick through your tongue.’ He goes, ‘Yeah – that wasn’t dumb at all…’

So I grab the key… and Junior’s like…’ Don’t touch it! When you touch it – his truck alarm goes off outside.’ And I go, ‘Well, how do we stop that?’ Junior goes, ‘We’ve been taking him outside… and squeezing his head.’

So it was a genuine pickle last night. We had to de-fuse Dub’s head before we could proceed. I had to pop open his key fob with a bar knife and get the battery out – and then told him to close his eyes and think happy thoughts while I yanked that sucker out. Made that weird sound like you was pulling a long bolt out of cold axle grease.

Wake up, America! It come out like a wax popsicle, too. But that’s Dub Meeker for you. Old enough to know better… but dumb enough to keep doing it. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off!

Subscribe to my radio bits here!