You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna spank a badger?
This is the heart of summertime. And that reminds me of one of the biggest differences between men and women. Women like yard sales.
Now – you average red-blood, God-fearing American man… he would rather get stuck between two elephants getting frisky… then go pawing around some other person’s junk. Because that’s what a yard sale is… that’s people that are going to throw stuff out… and think, ‘Wait – maybe I can find a sucker to buy this first…’
This month out in our neck of the woods – you can’t drive a half mile without passing fifteen yard sales. And most of the stuff people are selling… is the stuff they picked up in yard sales. It’s like our town is playing ‘hot potato’ – with crap.
And now – there is different yard sale shopping strategies. Like my old lady… she likes to hit them early in the morning – when the best stuff is still available. We stopped at this one sale last Saturday… the yard was still wet with dew. The Mr. and Mrs. there under the tree was still on their first cups of coffee. And Pearl goes, ‘Earl… they’ll be anxious to make their first sale…’.
Yeah – she picked up a Captain and Tenille cassette and a Kerplunk! game that was missing all its marbles. Which I thought was oddly appropriate for my old lady.
Now me – I got a different strategy. I go the last hour… of the last day of the yard sale. I don’t even look at what’s left… I just go up to the owner and offer ten bucks for everything they got left. And then I see if I scored.
Wake up, America!! The guy goes… ‘I hate to see it go at that price.’ And I go, ‘You can buy it back at our yard sale… next week.’ He looked happier. I’m Earl Pitts, American… and Pitts Off!