Beaver Butt Whiskey… What Will They Think of Next?

By on October 23, 2018
beaver butt whiskey

You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna eat a bag of microwave popcorn… before it’s popped?

I got further proof – these dumb-butt millennial hipsters are ruining America.

Remember when they come up with the micro-breweries? Kind of like tiny beer plants… Instead of Clydesdales – they had tiny horses. Put out tiny batches of tiny beer. And they threw everything in them beers but the kitchen sink.

And those hipsters would get all light-headed and swoon like a 90-year old widows at a Tom Jones concert. ‘Oh – it’s got coriander and apricot. I love it”.  Shut up, ya pinhead.

Well – here’s the new thing. They got micro-distilleries. Making tiny micro-whiskey. And once again – these genius nut-jobs are messing with perfection. Oh – they’re putting all sorts of flavors and what-not in these whiskeys.

Now – set down – because I am not making this up. There is some kind of micro-distillery out east somewheres… making beaver butt whiskey. Yes. They take the juice from the butt gland of a beaver – and squeeze it in their whiskey.

How long have we been waiting for that??

Beaver ButtApparently – if you squeeze the butt of a beaver… this juice pops out – called Casterol. And this Casterol is very valuable. They say it has a smell like a cross between vanilla and lemon. And obviously beaver butt.

Yeah – what were they smokin’ when they decided to make a whiskey out of that? They say it’s a very limited run and it’s gonna be expensive. But it’s gonna be worth it. Hey – let’s face it – how much juice can you really squeeze out of a beaver’s hind-end?

Hey – maybe they can even make beaver butt whiskey like they make tequila. With a little beaver butt-hole floating in the bottom of the bottle. Or better yet – maybe they could leave whiskey making… to the people that know what they’re doing!!

Wake up, America! I’m glad Jack Daniels and Jim Beam died hundreds of years ago. Because the idea of beaver butt whiskey – would have killed’em. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.

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