You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just want to breed a hyena with a pit bull so it’ll laugh hysterically as it’s chewing your arm off? Haha… That’s a pretty good one.
Other day, down at the Duck Inn, me and Pete was trying to figure out how we could make the joint more popular and make more money. We didn’t want to do anything stupid, like we see in those bar makeover shows. You seen them? We wasn’t going bring in some beardy weirdo to craft a signature cocktail for us. That takes 19 steps to make it, has 12 juices, four types of Schnapps, and costs $32.50. Nope, we ain’t doing that.
What we’re going to do is get bar tables at the right height. A tabletop at just the right height can do wonders for a woman and her sweater monkeys. If bar tables are too high, it covers them up. No lady wants that, hidden where you can’t see them under the bar table down there with the gum and gunk and stuff. They’re free down there. That’s just too low.
But the best is, the very best situation is when a tabletop is situated just at the right level so the woman can rest her mamomillions there on the table, plopped right next to her beer. They look fantastic. I’m sure the women appreciate the support from the table and all the supportive stares she receives when her globes are displayed proudly on the table. People can come ooh and ah at them. Can you imagine ladies like them Spanish hotties, Eva Longuini and Selma Hayak?
Now them two are short, but they pack a wallet. Just because they’re short don’t mean when they come into Duck Inn, they deserve to have their gorditos covered up by the bar table, does it? Wake up America. What we need is a bunch of chairs that go up and down, so every woman and whatever she’s on display with can be at the right height. Yeah. This is Earl Pitts, Pitts Off. Check me out on Facebook
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