You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna chew the antlers off a twelve-point buck?
I heard this story the other day… about what happens when the economy stinks. They said the number of people hunting has gone through the roof. Yeah – every idiot and their brother’s grabbing a guns and trying to shoot dinner.
The hunting industry says people are using hunting to lower their grocery bills. Yeah – good luck with that. If my family lived off stuff I shot… they’d be stuffed with mail boxes an’ “No Trespassing” signs.
Don’t get me wrong – I love hunting… I’ve been hunting for years. I ain’t no Elmer Fudd come lately when it comes to hunting. I support hunting. I believe in hunting. But this ain’t good news. When you get a couple million more wet-behind the ears hunting rookies outside with guns… that there ain’t hunting season. That’s a Baghdad Saturday Night.
I mean take up hunting and provide for your family – that’s the manly, patriotic thing to do – that’s fine. But I’m gonna be out there with y’all. Forget the hunting vest… I’m gonna need more body armor than that dude in The Hurt Locker.
Same thing happened this summer… millions of new fishermen were out there trying to catch dinner. Let me tell you something… you buy a bandana – that don’t make you Willie Nelson. An’ you buy a fishing pole… that don’t make you Bill Dance. If you don’t know who he is… then you really shouldn’t be out there fishin’.
I mean – they just came out on that lake like they owned the place. Took over my secret spot… pulled fish outta that lake that was meant for me. But here’s the difference between new hunters… an’ new fishermen – nobody’s gonna kill you with a hook an’ a bobber. An’ this is coming from a guy that had a spinner lure snagged in my neck!! For two days!!
So for all you Daniel Boone wannabes out there – take a few tips from Earl Pitts. Number one -you might want to go out the first couple times with somebody that knows what they’re doing. An’ number two – don’t shoot me… and number two… I’m very serious about!
Wake up, America. Millions of new hunters are out there this year… you know what this means. Emergency rooms… an’ PETA… are gonna be very busy. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.