You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna use some Flex Seal tape to close up Phil Swift’s pie hole? And that sound you hear is millions of regular Americans going, ’Amen!!!’
Yeah – here’s how you can tell when a once-great civilization is on its ding-darn death bed. Breathing shallow with an ominous death-rattle. Here’s how you can tell a culture is about to turn toes up.
When their ‘As Seen on TV’ inventions start being stupid. I mean, let’s face it – whether we like it or not – this great country was built on the backs of American geniuses…like Ron Popeil…and Billy Mays.
I mean America was built on the Pocket Fisherman…the Snuggie…and the Chia Head.
When it came to foldable, pocket-sized fishing gear, and blankets with arms- well – the rest of the world couldn’t keep up. And they knew it.
When the world needed a small, compact rotisserie that could cook a full turkey in one-hour and keep it moist and delicious – who did the world turn to? America. When the world needed a portable microphone you could use to pick up the ladies while you were driving down the street – who did they turn to? America.
And what are we ‘as seeing’ on TV now? Dreck, crap and utter nonsense – that’s what. A ladies’ eye-brow shaver? That’s it? That’s a gold-plated weed whacker for your face!!! Your unkept lady hair? Really? And Lord, if we bought every non-stick revolutionary cooking pan they sold on TV right now – our house would look like a garage sale at the Food Network.
Lady hair and cooking pans? That’s the low-hanging fruit of on-air sales!!
It’s got so bad, I don’t even want a magical expanding backyard hose any more. I’ll put up with the weight and the kinks…and trying to pull the hose around bricks and rocks.
Wake up, America!! There was a time when ‘As Seen on TV’ meant you could also see it at my house. Sadly, those days are long gone. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.
Buy my Book: MADE IN THE USA: https://amzn.to/2wKN5Ju
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