You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna get me a part time job at old folks homes… as an enema tester?
Yeah – I have witnessed a sad passage a’ time. A defining moment in every man’s life. An’ it stinks.
See what happened was this – me and the Meeker boys were down at the Duck Inn last night… and Junior Meeker had to run across the road to get a pack a smokes. Well, he come back in there shaking his head… an’ he goes… ’I remember when you could buy cigarettes for four dollars a pack!’ And Dub laughs… and he goes… ’I remember when you could buy’em for $3.75… out of a machine!!’
And I says… ’Boys -you heard what just happened there?’ And Dub goes, ‘Yeah – they’re ripping us off on tobacco.’ And I go, ‘No – we just became… ‘I remember when’ guys.’
Nobody likes a ‘I remember when guy’. His main purpose in life is to remind people how much better it used to be than it is now.
He remembers when things were cheaper… men were tougher… America was greater… cars were faster… and every woman was more voluptuous. He remembers when people were poorer… but happier. And he remembers when it snowed more in the winters… the summers were hotter… fall leaves were prettier… an’ everybody was friendlier.
In other words… it’s mostly BS… but the mind can play tricks on you when you get older. An’ when you’re under the age of say… 40… and you run into a ‘I remember when guy’… you just kind of ignore him. Chalk him up as a crazed old coot stuck in the land a’ ‘Usedtabe’… where everything usedtabe better.
And then one day… I don’t know what happens… it might be like a biological clock or something… you wake up… and you’re that guy. And here’s the weird part – I remember when… I wasn’t. How’s that for ironic?
Wake up, America! Yeah – it looks like I hit that age when my best days are behind me. At least the way I remember them. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.