Amityville Horror House
You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna travel to cartoon-land and short-sheet Casper the friendly ghost? It has come to my attention – some people are born with a death wish. I am not one of those people. What I am talking about is this story I heard about the other day – the Amityville Horror House has been sold.
For y’all that don’t remember… this is an actual, real house on Long Island, New York… where some nut-job kid killed his parents… and his four brothers and sisters… and then told police the house was haunted and the house told him to do it. Hey, far be it from me to criticize the unstable… but if my house started to talk to me… I’d be out of there way before things got a chance to escalate.
That is a real – actual thing that happened and they made a movie out of it. And now that house finally got sold to new owners. To which I ask the question – what the hell are they thinking??
Living inside Amityville Horror House is Not a Good Idea
First off – the house is in escrow… I guess – waiting for the final home inspection reports – from the termite guy… and those ghost hunters. Probably an exorcist of two. The good news is – the plumbing looks good and there is no termite damage. But there does seem to be several undead spirits – and the walls bleed every now and then… Okay – we’ll go with it.
Number two… y’all ever bought a house. You got maybe two bushel-baskets of papers and documents to sign. You buy the Amityville Horror house… those documents are gonna double! You’re gonna have to sign a bunch a stuff saying if you go nuts and mow down your family – it is not on the seller. Signing that – wouldn’t you even pause and double-guess your decision?
Number three – I get creeped out sometimes in the middle of the night when my house settles… and it creaks. Imagine if your house started talking to you. Sometimes I have conversations with a voice in my head. I never had one with a voice in my attic.
Wake up, America!! Congratulations to the real estate agent anyways. That had to be a tough listing. When you show a couple their dream house and go… ‘No, I’ll stay in the car. With my Bible and Holy water.’ I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off. Subscribe to my Radio Bits here.