You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna find me a giant monkey…and jump on HIS back. See how he likes it.
Here’s another reason I don’t much like your beard-wearing, snow-flake hipster millennials. On account of – they ain’t got the work ethic of your real Americans. I saw this story on my little boy’s computer – where one half of Americans are out-of-control, bona-fide, ground-down workaholics. And I’ll let you guess which half.
The answer is – our half!!! The true, red-blooded, flag-waving half of Americans are workaholics!! The people who need two jobs just to get by. And three jobs if they hope to ahead. The people who got their first job… when they got their first car. People like you and me.
You ever hear these touchy-feely ding-bats go, ‘You never heard nobody on their death bed say…’ I wish I had spent more time at work.’ Well – number one – real Americans don’t got no time for no stupid death bed, ya’ dopy yokel?
We gotta job to do!
So, we probably keeled over AT work… and didn’t have no time for the luxury of the death bed reminiscing. But I’ll tell you what. If I ever do get in a death bed – I will say that. In those exact words. Just to shut you the heck up!!!
I’ll probably wake up for my coma for one last go around with the family and be all weak and unstable in the brain. (cough cough) Pearl… is that you, honey? Kids… EJ… Sandra Dee… hold my hand. I’m fading kids. Who’s doing my shift at the Duck Inn? Is it Pete? (cough cough). I wish I could’a finished off the week. And I wish (cough cough) – I wish I could have spent more time at work.’ And bingo… X’s in my eyes and I’m headed to a white light – to start my first day on the job – as an angel. Probably gonna pull double-shifts, too.
Yeah – and you know who ain’t a workaholic? It’s your dippy hipster hotshots with their stupid ‘work-life’ balance. They got their ‘me time’ and their ‘yoga practice’. Half the time they’re working – they’re working on ‘relationships’… and their ‘life plans’. Ain’t that special.
Not your real regular Americans. The only thing we’re working on – is work. We’re kind’a like Nike. Subsequently, we’re just ‘doing it’ until we drop!!
Wake up, America! Lord, bless the people out there who work hard for a living. On the account of, we don’t know no better. And we need the money. I’m Earl Pitts, America. Pitts Off.