You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna stretch a penguin?
Yeah, sometimes when we and the boys get to talking down at the Duck Inn – it’s like we need one a’ them ‘panel shows’ on CNN. We’re so full of insightful commentary and observation. I’m not kidding – we’re full of it.
So here was my question last night. When did America go soft? Exactly when did America go from being a country where ordinary people pulled up their boot-straps and walked across the continent in their bare feet to make a better life for themselves – to a country where butt-wad college snowflakes can’t walk across the campus without safe-spaces and a team of mental health experts – standing by?
Well – the boys fell deep into thought. If we did have a CNN show – this is where we would have broke for commercials. Finally Dub Meeker spoke up – he goes, ‘I think America went soft when they banned lead in paint.
And Junior Meeker agrees. He says…’You know who grew up with lead in paint? Abraham Lincoln. He did okay.
And Runt Wilson goes…he thinks America went soft when they forced people to wear seatbelts in cars. He goes, ‘Back in the day – you’d get in a car wreck – you’d go flying through the windshield – do cartwheels across four lanes of traffic – and then pop up and have to hitchhike home.
And Junior Meeker goes, ‘You know who never wore a seatbelt? Abraham Lincoln. And he did okay.’
And I go – I think America went soft when we started sending people outside to smoke. I mean, what’s that all about? Back in the day – Humphry Bogart would take one last drag on his Lucky Strike, throw the butt on the floor in disgust and grind it under his shoe. And then he’d go up for communion.
And Junior Meeker goes…You know who enjoyed a good smoke – indoors? And Runt goes, ‘Shut up, Junior.
Wake up, America! If we do get our own panel show on CNN – Junior Meeker might not be on the panel. But you know who else was never on CNN? Yeah. Abraham Lincoln. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Visit earlpittsamerican.com and buy my Book: MADE IN THE USA: https://amzn.to/2wKN5Ju
And Pitts Off.
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