America being took over… by Central American Soccer playing Apes?

By on August 4, 2014
Central American Soccer

You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna tap dance bare-foot in a room full of thumb tacks?

Yeah – today I want to talk about America being took over. Every place you turn – there’s another story about America being took over by some evil an’ dark force. Like if you go to the movies – we get took over in the future by monkeys. If you watched ESPN this month …they’re gonna tell you we were took over by soccer.

And of course – if you watch Fox News… we are being took over by 14 year old kids from Squatamala.

Okay – here’s the facts. None of this would a’ happened. None of this would have been possible – if America wasn’t first took over – by idiots.

I mean – think about this… you got a boatload of buffoons in Washington… ain’t a one of them there that doesn’t make Miley Cyrus look like a Nobel Prize winner. You follow politics today… it’s like watching 50 blind cats locked in a room together – with one mouse. It’s like all hell is breaking loose… and they’re not getting nowhere.

And in the middle of all that – soccer is becoming popular. Can nobody get their act together – and stop this?? You mark my words… fifteen years from now if we’re setting in a soccer stadium… watching the most boring game God ever invented… and being excited about it. That would be Washington’s fault.

And then… I seen where the global, evil honchos that run soccer… they actually said they have plans to take over America with their sport. And I think I know how they’re gonna do it, too. You start with a million Central American kids sneaking across the border. Hello? Yeah – these kids ain’t escaping no violence. These kids ain’t refugees. They’re soccer players! Yeah – and apparently enough to start a youth soccer league… in every town in America.

Meanwhile – Washington doesn’t notice. Although – to be fair… where their heads are – it’s hard to see anything.

Wake up, America. You know – we got scandals out the butt this year in Washington. But nobody seems to notice the super-intelligent, soccer-playing Apes from Central America. I weep for my country. I’m Earl Pitts, American… And Pitts Off.

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