You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna set back in a hot tub filled with ‘au jus’ – in the middle of cannibal country?
Remember a couple a weeks ago – I was messing with them idiot, worthless millennial dippy hipsters – on account of they don’t eat meatloaf? Yeah. There was a bunch of stuff I seen in this story they didn’t like from our generation – and how the world was changing for them. Because everything changes for them. Hipsters don’t like meatloaf – nobody serves meatloaf.
Well – I got another one. These young boneheads twisting the world to their liking. Millennial hipsters don’t like – are you ready – all you can eat buffets.
Well – let me just say – Hallelujah!! On account of, the last thing we need on this planet is for your all you can eat buffets to start changing for these dopy-headed, millennial nut-balls. No sir.
You know how them coastal elites and stuck-up media losers like to call the middle of America – ‘fly over country’. That’s how I think of regular America. We real Americans don’t need Hipsters changing our all you can eat buffets.
‘Fly over food.’
We don’t got no ‘hors-du-vores’ or ‘cru-da-tay’… or gluten-free nothing on a real American all you can eat buffet. However, we do have fried chicken. Yes sir – stacked up in a hot pan elbow high. We’ve got tater tots, French fries and mashed taters and gravy – lined up right next to each other. And you don’t gotta choose – you can take’em all.
We’ve got Salisbury steaks… fried catfish… chicken tenders… meat loafs… pork chops an’ gravy. We’ve got wieners, corn-dogs and sausages. We’ve got a carving station with a woman in a hair-net attacking a ham as big as Rosie O’Donnell’s head. And on Friday nights and Sunday afternoon – she’s slicing up a prime rib, too. Yeah – there ain’t much there gonna appeal to the hipster pallet. But, that’s okay.
And we ain’t even got to the dessert table yet. My old lady will get up and say – do you want me to get you a cake, a pie or ice cream? And I smile and say – Yes!!!
Wake up, America!! Yeah – your hipsters, your elites and your Yuppies don’t get the patriotic appeal of a real American buffet. That’s their loss. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.