You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so angry I just wanna let all the kings horses… an’ all the kings men… drag me across gravel – naked…?
Yeah – I am calling together a official meeting of The People Offended by Offended People. Or as we like to be called… P.O.O.P.
If this one don’t get you clawing at your head like you got brain chiggers… you don’t belong to the group.
I heard this one… out of England… where the nursery schools over there are teaching little kids the nursery rhyme… ’Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep’. On account of they don’t wanna offend nobody or appear racist.
Well – good for you folks. To me… the only thing you people appear… is stupid. Did anybody mention… these are sheep? If I might explain this in your own language over there… ’bollocks, you bloody idiots!’
Then I got to thinking… why stop at trying not to offend sheep. Maybe we oughta change all these nursery rhymes. Just to be safe.
Like Little Miss Muffet… setting there on her tuffit… eating Kurds and Whey. Now my thinking is… these ain’t the Kurds what live in Iraq. I don’t think. But they might not know that… and lord knows we don’t need another tribe of maniacs over there mad at us. So let’s drop the Kurds.
Then you got Mary and her little lamb… follows her to school one day.
Doesn’t Mary read the paper? We got your Mad Cow… we got your Bird Flu. Who in their right mind is gonna expose small kids to livestock in this day and age. This is a bad example. You can have the lamb… lose the trip.
And Humpty Dumpty… he’s now a carton of Eggbeaters. Better for the heart.
Wake up, America! And don’t even start me on Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater.
Right there you got your domestic violence… kidnapping… unlawful restraint… and assault with a deadly gourd. That one might have to go all together. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.