You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna go to Sesame Street… and steam-clean Muppets?
Yeah – me and my old lady are setting in front of the boob tube last night – and she blurts out… ‘Earl, do you know what I want for Christmas?’ And I go, ‘Pearl – excuse me…do I look I look like the Amazing Kreskin? I have no idea.’ She goes – she wants an adult coloring book.
Okay – first of all… I hear the words ‘adult coloring book’… I’m thinking a coloring book filled with pictures of naked people… doing heaven knows what in there. That is not something that’s gonna be in my house. I got rules.
But then she explained your adult coloring book to me. It’s the hottest new stupid thing in America. Coloring books for old people… with very small and intricate patterns to color. They’re supposed to ease and relax your mind.
Well – I’d like to ease and relax my mind, too. But if push came to shove – I think I’d prefer the Jack Daniels gift-box. On account of – basically you get the same result… without having to keep sharpening colored pencils.
Now – I will say this…my old lady always has been one a’ them creative-types. Paint-by-Numbers… crochet… I remember one Christmas I got her a rock tumbler – so she could make her own jewelry out of gravel. So I don’t mind encouraging her creativity.
That’s when I remember this story I heard the other day… where 40% of young adults under the age of 35 still live at home with their parents. So it is totally possible this Christmas… your kids are going to run downstairs in their pajamas… tear open their Christmas presents… and find brand new coloring books.
And your kids are going to be 32 and 29. That is more sad than joyous.
Wake up, America!!! Yeah – I’ll get her a coloring book for Christmas. It sounds cheap enough. And if they run out by the time I get to the store – I’ll buy her an Easy Bake Oven. You can get creative with them, too. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Buy my Book Man Rules… Pitts Off.