You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna take a long walk… across thin ice?
Yeah – we got what you call your traditional signs of Christmas already. Did you see this… some super model chick on the computer was wearing the Victoria’s Secret two-million dollar fantasy bra the other day. This is a brassiere, ladies… worth – I am not making this up – two-million bucks. It’s called the ‘fireworks’ fantasy bra… and it looks like fireworks exploding… with 18-karat gold encrusted with 6,500 gem stones. It was a work of art – for hooters. And I know for a fact – women appreciate that.
Now I ask you – what is more festive for the holidays than staring at a super model who looks like her sweater monkeys just exploded? Nothing that I can think of.
Course my old lady got a total different take on this thing. She goes, ‘Earl – that don’t make no sense. What do fireworks got to do with Christmas?” Of course – I could ask… ‘What does super model bazangas got to do with Christmas?’ But I’ve always just went along with that… not wanting to mention nothing. Not wanting to screw it up.
But I was thinking… those Victoria people could come up with more Christmasy fantasy brassieres. I come up with this one – it’s called the two-million dollar Rudolph bra. Instead of 6,500 assorted gem-stones… they just got two giant rubies… one on each cup. And they light up bright red. Then the super model puts on a shirt… and sets them puppies to blinking. Yeah – she could guide my sleigh any night.
Of course – my old lady did explain to me… why that would not be a good idea. Huh – sometimes you miss the obvious.
Wake up, America!!! I don’t know… maybe my old lady was just in a snit… because she didn’t like my Jingle Bell bra… or my Tinsel g-string neither. She’s just not in the Christmas mood. I’m Earl Pitts, America… festive as all get out. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel… and Pitts Off.